Monday, November 16, 2015

How to Lose a Job in 10 Days

Now I know the internet is more for putting out a better-than-life version of yourself in the hopes of making everyone else jealous. But I'm saving that for Instagram today.



Hopefully this will be some kind of cathartic experience for me.

Now I do have some disclaimers:
1. I did not lose my job on purpose just to write this article. That would be poppycock.
2. I have never seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. But I am going to tell this story using Kate Hudson gifs.

So starting with Day 1, when I got my first ever job offer as a marketing coordinator at a direct marketing company. This was a few days before Halloween, my bank account was almost empty, and I had interviewed for dozens of jobs since my dogwalking work came to a near halt in August. This was me:


Day 2 was my orientation. I learned what I was going to be doing for the rest of my life! Just kidding, but the work was going to be rigorous and I had to constantly ask myself, "Is this what I really want?" before checking my bank account again.


I'm going to break my own rule for just a second because this line from Broad City was ringing in my head the second I took the job.


I even took myself on a shopping spree to Express because I was SO about that business professional attire. Before my first paycheck! Naïve adult mistake #1.

Days 3-5 consisted of me learning the ropes, shadowing my superiors. Basically, the company acted as third party marketing for big time clients who wanted to promote some of their products. I would be in actual retail stores telling customers about products or special programs they may not know about. That completed my first week, and I was ready to hit the pavement and start getting that commish!

I had so much going through my mind at this time. I had guilt from feeling like I was betraying the reason I came to LA, which was to become a writer. Frustration, that after 9 months in LA I had barely gotten in a few weeks of full time work. And finally desperation, that I wanted to make this work because the earning opportunities were very enticing.


"People" in this case is, of course, capitalism. But my manager did help me work through a lot of that, and I came to understand that I had to silence those doubts in order to take control of my own future.

So Day 6, my first day in the field. I'm excited. Also sick to my stomach nervous. Talking to strangers? That's my worst skill! But I knew that if I was ever going to get over those fears, this was a fast way to do it.

But of course, unsuspecting customers in retail stores have a way of reminding you just how cruel the world can be.


That's me. The whole first day. Every time someone said something rude to me, I would basically break. "Don't solicit me," "Go away," "Not interested," were some of the things I heard within 1 second of conversation. I never realized so many people were dropped on their heads as babies!

Day 7 was much of the same, and I wasn't getting the results my superiors wanted. But I still had my eyes on the prize.


For those who aren't familiar with Nine, this translates to:
1. Dark handsome guys
2. Skinny little ties
3. Shades in the middle of the night

Also just generally the fantasy of having a musical number where I'm surrounded by Italian guys and get to do a badass hair flip.

It all seemed within reach if I just sucked it up and learned to put on a warm smile. My manager kept referencing my background in acting, saying I already have the tools to be good at this. But each day was so exhausting. I would leave for work around 10AM and get home around 9PM. This could be my life for who knows how long!

Days 8 and 9 were kind of tense, as my bosses sort of implied that my results needed to improve... or else. I came in Day 10 and was greeted with essentially an ultimatum. They were very honest, and even quite friendly about it. If my performance didn't meet the basic requirements of an employee at the company, I wasn't worth keeping around. I got it. But boy was I scared of being out of the street again.

It was a Friday, my fifth day of continuous work (something I haven't done since mid-summer). I gave it my all. But I did come up short. It was the end of the line for my corporate career.


Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I learned a lot, I even improved on some of the skills I was looking to get better at. Within five days I was already getting less anxious at the thought of talking to people. A little.

But I am back to square one. Job websites, the witch is back! Hopefully things are different this time. I mean I do have those kick-ass dress clothes for interviews.

In the words of Jim O'Connor from The Glass Menagerie, "I am disappointed but I am not discouraged." I'm sad about how things turned out, but I'm optimistic about where things can go from here.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more LA adventures.


No comments:

Post a Comment